I think I’m done here. One chapter closed, fresh start begins.
For anyone that may care.
This blog is impossible to look back on without reliving some of the misery. I want to let it go but I don’t want to start a new one.
#firstworldproblems
Sorry, not sorry.
I’m not keeping track of how long it’s been since we last spoke.
Or who said what last.
Or analyzing your last words to me in case there’s something I missed, or a chance that we can work out.
I’m always going to care for you and miss the best parts of you. I’m going to forget the negatives, forgive you for the hurt and just let it go.
This time I’m at peace.
The self acceptance. The ‘this is who my mistakes have made me into and I need to deal with this current version of myself’ moments. The ‘it will get better’ moments. The ‘everything is going to be just fine because I am here and I am choosing to stay here’ train of thought.
Then those waves hit shore and I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to be here anymore. Make it stop, because I am so done with this.
But I still get out of bed. I still try to act like everything is normal and bordering on fine when really I am so hopelessly lost at sea, I would rather have drowned instead.
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Porcelain Doll Head Cups by Natalia Gruszecka of endesign in Wroclaw, Poland.
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| 12th Oct 2012✧13:22100 notes |
Of people. It’s weird. Kind of like death, your whole relationship with the person flashes before you and it just makes it harder. But I can’t live now based on feelings from three years ago.
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